I'm going to jail i love you
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
