i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
