i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
