Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
