My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
