He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
