If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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