i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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