Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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