All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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