There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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