reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
