you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
