well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
