I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
