I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
