I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
