he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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