oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
