Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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