Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Actions speak louder than pants.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
