Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
