There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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