Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
