i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
