So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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