ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
is wine microwaveable?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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