hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize