I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
