who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
