I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
