apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
this will be a night to untag.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
