Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
