you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
