I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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