No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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