I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
