Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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