At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
