i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
