when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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