You just made me feel so damn special
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
