They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
