No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
