I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
