so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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