I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
