I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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