my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
honey bunches of taint.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
His nipple licking is glorious
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