everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize