I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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