god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
