"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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