12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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