i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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