so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
