At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
