i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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