FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
