Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
