Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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