The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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