I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
