I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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