she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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