Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
