38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize