Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you had me at cake vodka
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I did not marry a roomba.
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