I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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